Dummies, Blankies, and Letting Go: The (Sometimes Messy) Art of Moving On

If you’ve found yourself Googling “When should my child give up their dummy?” at 2 a.m. while clutching a cold coffee, you’re not alone. Comfort items are the unsung heroes of toddlerhood, giving us some peace while they soothe tiny people and big feelings. But naturally, as parents, we sometimes feel concern or guilt that our child seems unnaturally attached to a ginormous rabbit with chewed ears. Should we be limiting our child’ use of comfort items?

Let’s face it—parenting is a never-ending game of “Should I or shouldn’t I?”

Should I let them eat the cupcake?

Should I sign them up for soccer?

Should I let them take their dummy (or blankie, or insert comfort item here) to college?

If you’ve found yourself Googling “When should my child give up their dummy?” at 2 a.m. while clutching a cold coffee, you’re not alone. Comfort items are the unsung heroes of toddlerhood, giving us some peace while they soothe tiny people and big feelings.

“When should my child let go of their blankie or pacifier?” is a question I am commonly asked by parents who are concerned about the giant, dirty blanket or raggedy bunny with a missing ear  that their child won’t leave home without. Please be reassured, in the thirty or more years that I have worked with children, I have not seen any humans that are still dragging that comfort item around when they start their first job.

Why do children become attached to comfort items?

The secret lies in the name here – comfort. Research from the University of Wisconsin indicates that up to 60% of children form attachments to objects like blankets or soft toys. Children use comfort items, often called transitional objects, for emotional and developmental reasons. These objects, such as a favorite blanket, stuffed toy, or even a pacifier, provide a sense of security and help children cope with stress, separation, or new situations. It feels good. The softness of a toy, or the silky feeling of a blanket can be associated with feelings of security, comfort and attachment to familiar adults.

For children who attend childcare, carrying a comfort item can be a wonderful source of familiarity in a new unfamiliar environment in the absence of familiar adults. Simply, it smells, feels and tastes like home.

Should I Stop My Child from Taking Their Comfort Item to Childcare?

Please NO! If your child has a beloved blankie, teddy, or dummy that gives them comfort, why on earth would you take that away? Think of it as their emotional support system—it’s there to help them handle the ups and downs of their day.

In a childcare setting, the real challenges aren’t about whether they should have it but how to keep it clean, safe, and not a total chaos magnet. But don’t stress—early childhood educators are basically superheroes in comfy shoes. They’ve got this.

Now, let’s get real for a sec: sometimes comfort items can interfere with learning or play. Picture this: your child’s ginormous teddy bear hogging their arms while they’re trying to climb the monkey bars or a dummy turning into a roadblock for their language skills. These moments call for some gentle redirection, not a total ban.

And trust me, any early childhood educator worth their glitter glue will work with your child to find the right balance. Need to climb those bars? Teddy can sit nearby and cheer them on. Want to chat with friends? That dummy can take a nap in their cubby until sleep time.

Comfort items aren’t the enemy—they’re a tool for helping your child navigate their world. With a little teamwork between you, your child, and their educators, those precious items can coexist beautifully with learning, growth, and play. 💕

Learning to let go

But, just like all great love stories, there comes a time when we have to let go. So, how do you know when that time is? And how do you make it happen without triggering World War Why-Can’t-I-Keep-It?

Step 1: Know the Signs It’s Time to Move On

• The Dentist Side-Eye: If your child’s dummy habit is starting to alter their bite, or it is delaying their language development, it might be time to think about a farewell.
• The Age Question: If your kiddo’s the only one at high school rocking a pacifier, you might want to have a chat. But seriously, in my experience most children will begin to let go of a pacifier themselves when they begin to make friends and it gets in the way of communicating in games.
• Emotional Growth: If they’re showing signs of coping without the comfort item during the day, you’re probably closer to the finish line than you think!

Step 2: Make the Break (as Painless as Possible)

• The Gradual Fade: Limit the comfort item to certain times (like bedtime or in the car) before phasing it out entirely.
• The Big Farewell: Turn it into an event! Have a “Goodbye Dummy Party” or let them “mail” it to the Dummy Fairy in exchange for a little reward.

Step 3: Prepare for Pushback

Spoiler alert: Your child will protest. There might be tears (theirs and yours), bargaining, and dramatic speeches about how you’ve ruined their lives forever. Stay calm, stay kind, and stay firm. Remind them that they’re growing up and moving on to awesome new things, like big kid adventures and not having to explain why their blankie is at school. But if you are having to cajole or convince your child endlessly that it’s time to let go of binkie, then maybe they are just not ready yet. Save the power struggles for life threatening matters, not this.

Step 4: Celebrate Their Growth

When the dummy is gone and the blankie is tucked away for nostalgia’s sake, take a moment to celebrate your little one’s big step. (And your survival of the process—because let’s be real, this is as much about you as it is about them.)

The Bottom Line

There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for letting go of comfort items. Some children let go naturally, while others need a bit of extra support. My son who is now 27 years old, had a dummy until he was three years old and he is now mostly a pretty well rounded guy, thriving in the adult world.

Trust your instincts, stay patient, and remember: One day, this will be a funny story you share at their wedding. Probably.

Until then, good luck—you’ve got this! 💪

If you’ve found yourself Googling “When should my child give up their dummy?” at 2 a.m. while clutching a cold coffee, you’re not alone. Comfort items are the unsung heroes of toddlerhood, giving us some peace while they soothe tiny people and big feelings. But naturally, as parents, we sometimes feel concern or guilt that our child seems unnaturally attached to a ginormous rabbit with chewed ears. Should we be limiting our child’ use of comfort items?

Let’s face it—parenting is a never-ending game of “Should I or shouldn’t I?”

Should I let them eat the cupcake?

Should I sign them up for soccer?

Should I let them take their dummy (or blankie, or insert comfort item here) to college?

If you’ve found yourself Googling “When should my child give up their dummy?” at 2 a.m. while clutching a cold coffee, you’re not alone. Comfort items are the unsung heroes of toddlerhood, giving us some peace while they soothe tiny people and big feelings.

“When should my child let go of their blankie or pacifier?” is a question I am commonly asked by parents who are concerned about the giant, dirty blanket or raggedy bunny with a missing ear  that their child won’t leave home without. Please be reassured, in the thirty or more years that I have worked with children, I have not seen any humans that are still dragging that comfort item around when they start their first job.